My Issues: Socializing

I do not hate people. I am not anti-social. I just have a personal problem with being part of any socializing process. You can classify me as a loner.

I feel at a loss when people start lying to each other so easily. Well maybe it’s not lying it’s “polishing facts” and ” soothing the edge of opinions” but I hate it. I do not say I don’t do it  because I find myself needing to do it all the time. I say I hate doing it, I hate people for making me do it, and I hate myself when I do it.

Well, maybe I do hate people. Not all of them, not specifically, not with a vengeance. I just do not feel at ease when people are around. This feeling may increase or decrease depending on how well I know the people around me: I feel less comfortable around strangers and more so around family and friends. I just prefer being alone.

To be honest, I know deep down that people are meant to be with other people, and I do feel the urge to do that sometimes. But not in a very healthy pattern. I feel that it costs me more than I am prepared to offer.

This leads me to another sub-issue: I feel more at ease talking to a stranger online than a real person. You see, my real opinion is more easily expressed if I did not care what the others think of me expressing them! I can be more like me, and less what people want me to be.

Won’t you feel lonely? Anyone would ask.. I would answer that sometimes, the more you are surrounded by people, the lonelier you feel. It is not about the number of people who surrounds you, but truly about who you choose to be with. I do have a few people whose company is a blessing.

Am I lonely? Well, maybe. But then again, who isn’t?